Written By Josh Farnsworth
Images By Frank ‘The Franchise’ Wade
My Top 10 SFL merchandise requests
Who doesn’t love great stuff?
That said, who doesn’t love even halfway decent stuff?
The SFL has made tremendous strides over the past couple of years to increase the number of items available to gift your friends and family with sweet, sweet league merchandise. And with the latest announcement of the SFL’s partnership with Layzr for digital trading cards, even more great content is on the way. With all the dynamic players and teams in the league, there will never be a shortage of SFL items to dream up. That got me thinking (always a risky proposition) of the top items I would love to see available. Take my money, vendors. Here are the quirky wares I could see making for an ideal shopping and owning experience…
BDG Hollewood and Robert Redford spinning tops.
The two players I associate most with the tremendous tornado-like spin moves are Hollewood and Redford. Put bobbleheads on top of some tops and watch them spin for hours on end. Watch them deflect off other surfaces, just like they spin off defenders on the way to the end zone.
Dominguez commemorative rocking chair
To celebrate Alex Dominguez reaching the incredible 200-sack milestone, what says, “I strike terror into the hearts of others”, but also makes for a practical and comfortable experience? I would love to see a rocking chair fashioned so the legs and arms are all SFL quarterbacks laying there after another sack in defeat, while the top of the chair would be Alex sitting there – triumphantly on top of this group of gunslingers. Think of it as comfort meets incredible uncomfortable circumstances.
Not sure if this particular piece of real estate is copyrighted for any reason. If not, I can only imagine an official street sign of Hollywood Blvd. complete with motion sensor that plays the passer-by a taste of the famous “You’ve just crossed Hollywood Boulevard!” line from play-by-play veteran Demond Simien. That way, every time you cross into that room where you watch SFL games, you’ll hear Demond’s voice celebrate you with his famous catchphrase. What better way to start your day than thinking you just scored six?
With no offense to every other SFL team and their brand, is there a better-looking uni out there than Queen City’s green-and-black combo? Go ahead, think about it. I’ll wait… … …See? Make every item available in Corsair colors in order to show off that sleek look. Pirates are fashion forward anyways.
Jersey throwbacks are always in style. I say now is the time to unveil a whole new line of SFLm jerseys, so all players can relive the glory days of the minor league. Or if they never got the chance to spend a day as a Lincoln Rattler or Madison Lynx, here is their opportunity to pledge their undying, after-the-fact allegiance to their favorite SFL farm system. I have my money standing by to buy and rock a retro black-and-silver Birmingham Fuel jersey.
The referees get a bad rap sometimes. While I do not know the league’s famed lead official – belovedly known as R-62 – I like to think he has a keen sense of humor. He has to. Why else would he keep coming back to take abuse from us whining players/fans/coaches? While glasses might drive the point home that he needs to consider watching the game closer, a telescope will allow all to view everything from a much closer lens. We love you, R-62.
Online play-by-play seminar
Maybe the gift recipient in your life is not looking for a “thing”, but more of an experience. Signing them up to call games like Chris Curtis, Josh Zerkle and others is the perfect way to give them an “experience” gift. On the upside, think of the training this will provide. Perhaps it can inspire a whole new generation of SFL play-by-play announcers. Worst case scenario: a great way to meet people for an hour.
Tyler Falk collectors’ edition hat
The man is sharp, what can I say? For those of you fantasizing about stepping into Mr. Falk’s shoes and hosting a NETMA broadcast of your own, you might as well look the part with a Tyler-inspired lid. If signed by Tyler himself, you could possibly hold an SFL auction. Tyler-inspired shirts sold separately.
Tom Pepper Relish
The quarterback is great. The sweet-meets-slightly-spicy food product is great. Let’s bring these two beacons of greatness together. I’m willing to write the product description with colorful language when this relish is ready to bottle. Pairs nice with cream cheese and offensive firepower.
Forget the museum. Take your friends to view the hallways or home sports den of your own with framed images of your player in action making a hero-inspired play. Finding a vendor who could blow up still images takes from the game could offer a way to have a piece of art framed – or even on a canvas, per se – captured for all to admire for years to come. Van Gogh has nothing on a vintage, framed image of Tank Bennett blowing up a running back hanging over your family room. There you go, folks. Plenty of shopping ideas ready to roll. Make it happen, SFL and my credit card is on standby to charge up this latest round of goodies.
We hope you enjoyed the latest edition of ‘The Read Option’. Check out more by Josh Farnsworth on the News section of the SFL website.