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Ethan Kye, Jett Zero, Ray Bentley
Banner Image by J.R. Lawless

Folks, what happened last week? We were riding a steady .500 in the pick’em, but perhaps thanks to the elongated week (and a bevy of overtimes) things got a little crazy on and off the field, putting the team under .500 for the first time since… well, ever! No matter, though, as we have guaranteed absolutely zero of these picks, as evidenced in the article’s name. Such are the rolls of the die we cast, week after week, chasing the perfect picks. That being said, this week’s picks are some of the most perfect, mouthwatering choices we’ve made in quite some time, and if we didn’t hit 100% of them, like we do each week*? Well, then it just wouldn’t be Zero Guarantees!

Jacksonville Kings 24
Seattle Tyrants 19

Saturday, February 1 | 3:00pm EST [FTF]


Our SFL Week 3 opener is a match-up that provides an opportunity for redemption for two historically dominant franchises that have experienced a rocky start here in Season 14. Both the Kings and Tyrants fell to their opponents back in Week 1 to begin the season winless, only to each redeem themselves with a victory last week. Seattle finds themselves in the bottom 4 in points scored, while Jacksonville isn’t faring much better at 6th worst. One of these teams must shake off this early season funk and put their foot on the gas early if they want any shot of winning this one. Zack Sandlin is currently leading the league in rushing yards as the Tyrants rely heavily on the run game at the expense of their last place passing attack. The Kings are middling at best in both areas, so it will be interesting to see which side of these two teams we see on Saturday. I’m seeing JAX as the stronger team so far this season, and therefore Seattle falls to 1-2.
Florida Storm 27
Las Vegas Fury 17

Saturday, February 1 | 5:00pm EST [FTF]


Which brings us to our next game, Storm at Fury. Las Vegas made big moves in the offseason when hiring Steven Mullenax to run the Fury offense, but the most they've got to show for it in two games is 29 points and two losses. On the other hand, the Florida Storm knocked off the defending champs in Week 1 before faltering in their own stadium last week against interstate rival the Jacksonville Kings. Interesting to note that technically Florida has the lesser offense at the moment, with 25 total points to Vegas' 29. Having said that, ultimately we're leaning towards the three-time champs as taking home the W from this game. Even though both offenses haven't shocked the world, the Storm have only given up a total of 34 points, while the Fury have let 72 pass through to their opponents, and that's enough for me to give them the edge.
Arizona Scorpions 20
Sioux Falls Sparrows 24

Saturday, February 1 | 9:00pm EST [FTF]


This should be a fun one to watch, as we have the masters of the swing pass versus the Scorpion's deadly defense. It's gonna be hard to "Gauge" this one, but it should be a very defensive battle. I am sure the Sparrows know how to fly over their opponent in this one and soar to that win, but don't expect this match up to be taken lightly cause as the original Dawg himself Eddie Gauge likes to win - and he'll put all he has into trying to get it. I am gonna go ahead and select the Sparrows, though, as they are on a roll at 2-0.
Mexico City Aztecs 20
Atlanta Swarm 27

Sunday, February 2 | 1:00pm EST [FTF]


As confusing as this may seem, the Aztecs are the underdogs against the Swarm. In my opinion? Rightfully so (sorry Ray)! Atlanta is on a hot streak and are looking to keep it going. I am pretty sure this will be a great game to watch, as two top running backs, quarterbacks, and tight ends face off against each other. I expect this to be a very close game with both teams putting up great numbers, but expect Atlanta to 'swarm' over the Aztecs and hand them a stinging loss.
Charleston Predators 29
Carolina Skyhawks 24

Sunday, February 2 | 3:00pm EST [FTF]


After two weeks of football, no one really knows what types of teams we have in in the Carolinas. On the one hand, both teams had strong showings in their respective Week 1 victories. On the other, they both suffered gut-wrenching losses in Week 2. To be fair, the Skyhawks played outstanding in a shootout for the history books, just barely falling to the home team Pharaohs in triple overtime. Meanwhile, the Predators were blown out at Canada Field in a 41-10 massacre. Through two weeks, Carolina appears like the tougher team; however, their Season 13 performance is weighing heavily on their trustworthiness for this season - at least, until they start winning some games. Both clubs have a lot to prove, but only one will exit David A. Richardson Memorial Stadium on Sunday a winner. I believe that club will be Charleston.
Baltimore Vultures 26
Denver Nightwings 23

Monday, February 3 | 7:00pm EST [FTF]


Originally viewed as one of the preeminent early season match-ups prior to Week 1, this game is setting up to be a snooze fest based upon the recent performance of these two franchises. The defending SFL Champion Denver Nightwings have looked abysmal through two weeks of play, posting league-low numbers in yards per game (280) and points per game (11.5!!). I’m sure this is not how former head coach Jeremy Vega foresaw his team performing after hoisting the championship trophy mere months ago. Alternatively, Baltimore has been on fire, dismantling playoff team after playoff team en route to a 2-0 record and claim of the top spot in the power rankings for the time being (tune in tomorrow, folks!). In reality, this should be no contest as the Vultures defense, headlined by CB Kaz McFly, should prove too formidable for a beleaguered Denver offensive. Can the Nightwings vaunted defense, the team’s lone bright spot, hold their ground against a Baltimore onslaught? Only time will tell.
Queen City Corsairs 30
Tulsa Desperados 17

Monday, February 3 | 9:00pm EST [FTF]


We have the Corsairs coming of an abso-lutely bonkers game from last week, with two - yes, I said two! - players that made Player of the Week. As it is, Queen City is sitting at 1-1 as are their opponents, the Tulsa Desperados. The Desperados hit a brick wall but are looking to bounce back and take a win from from Queen City, but look for the Corsairs to not let that happen as they will be looking to move to 2-1 using their most potent weapons on offense (Hacker) and on defense (Duffy). In the end? It might not be a blowout, but we still think the Corsairs have it in them to keel-haul Tulsa for another win.
London Knights 14
Vancouver Legion 28

Tuesday, February 4 | 6:30pm EST [YouTube]


The surprise force of the SFL in Season 14 plays host on Tuesday night to an up and down London Knights team looking to make a rebound from last season’s shortcomings. The Legion have been absolutely explosive on both sides of the ball, boasting the #1 offense (41 PPG!) and #2 defense through two weeks. With a tasty home match-up against a struggling opponent on tap, expect RB Sudo Nakai and crew to run wild around Canada Field on game day. London’s only shot in this contest is to hold the down the fort defensively, especially the front seven, and give their offense opportunities to make plays. Forcing QB Tom Pepper to throw and make mistakes will open up the playbook for Knights Head Coach Liam Crowter. Otherwise, it will be a long night for said Knights up in the Great White North.
New Orleans Pharaohs 31
St. Louis Gladiators 21

Tuesday, February 4 | 6:30pm EST [Twitch]


Here is another great match-up in my opinion. The Pharaohs are looking to get the win, especially after playing approximately fourteen games worth of overtimes last week, but expect the Gladiators to remain in the fight. If Xander Gold brings the magic, these Pharaohs will definitely pull out a win. But the Gladiators need to get over the hump and try to eke out their first win. While we've got the Pharaohs by ten, this match-up is still an exciting one, and will be hard fought to the last second.
Houston Hyenas 17
Chicago Wildcats 23

Tuesday, February 4 | 9:00pm EST [YouTube]


Who to pick in this contest? The Chicago Wildcats, who are in full on tailspin heading into Week 3, host the Houston Hyenas, led by embattled QB Kentez Johnson. Johnson, who is experiencing the worst start to a season of his career, is boasting league lows in QBR (44.1) and pass yards per attempt (5.2). The good news for Houston fans? Warren Murray. Murray leads all running backs in all purpose touchdowns and is the driving force behind the Hyena’s offense. Meanwhile, Chicago is struggling both offensively and defensively with an 0-2 record to show for it. Following a playoff appearance last season, the Chicago faithful were hoping for similar success in S14. With 10 games left in the season, there is plenty of time to turn this ship around; it starts with Houston. And, considering the Wildcat's exit from playoffs last season? They wouldn't have it any other way.

ZERO GUARANTEES SEASON 14 RECORD: 9-11

*Zero Guarantees notes that each week, 100% of the games played are predicted. We do not guarantee our predicted outcomes in the slightest. Jeez.

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