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Jett Zero, Ethan Kye, Ray Bentley
Banner Image by J.R. Lawless

Welcome back to another episode of the Simulation Football League’s 14th Season Pick’em, aptly named Zero Guarantees. Last week our cadre of seers and futurists were close to batting a perfect ten-for-ten… if we’re grading on a bell curve. Also, we’re the only students in the class. Hooray! We’ve got another set of game picks for the upcoming week, and are so confident in them that you have our permission to take them to the bank. We’re… not sure why you would, or what you can do with them there, but so help us, you have the permission. Enough expositionary banter, though – let’s get right into it, shall we?

Houston Hyenas 19
Sioux Falls Sparrows 23

Saturday, January 25 11:00am EST [FTF]


CLUTCH performance in NY last week for the Yellow Birds. After trailing basically the entire game, Sparrows QB Julian Tyree (on the back of his 93.1% completion percentage) orchestrated a late 4th quarter TD drive that ultimately proved to be the game winner, leaving only 6 seconds on the clock. Alternatively, Houston played spoiler to Eddie Gauge's homecoming party with a narrow victory over
the newly minted Arizona Scorpions. Warren Murray received POTW honors with his demonstrative 175 yard, 4 TD performance. The question for this match-up will be whether the passing attack of the Sparrows or the rushing game of the Hyenas can win the game on Saturday. My vote is for the former.
Charleston Predators 24
Vancouver Legion 27

Saturday, January 25 10:00pm EST [FTF]


Tom Pepper and Co. laid it on THICK on the road in New Orleans last week. Boasting the 2nd largest margin of victory in Week 1, and by far the largest victory on the road, the Legion are poised for similar success against a traveling Charleston team. The Predators also led a commanding victory over London last week, so it will be interesting to see which way this match-up unfolds. TD Drew is looking like the most dominant QB in the league right now, but we only have one week of play to judge by. I'm thinking Vancouver continues their success at home against a historically so-so Predators team.
Chicago Wildcats 30
Queen City Corsairs 24

Sunday, January 26 9:00pm EST [Twitch]


These two teams have a couple things in common. The both have losses and they both got beat by amazing last minute drives. Don't you think for a minute that either one of these teams will let that be an issue. You can expect these two team to be pretty defensive and move the ball with their high powered offenses. Another thing to mention is both Queen City and Chicago have rookie HB's, and you can expect one to try and out to the other. Who will come out on top though the Wildcats with Ash Odom and Mike Improta, or Jett Zero and the Corsairs? I am definitely looking forward to this match up, but think ultimately, the Wildcats have the edge on the road.
Las Vegas Fury 34
Atlanta Swarm 27

Sunday, January 26 9:05pm EST [YouTube]


Who is this Las Vegas Fury team? Are they the bruising wildcards that boasted S13's co-sack leader in Rhett Sawyer and top-3 RB in Robert Redford? Or are they the greenhorns who limped to a 5-7 record and squandered their post-season hopes down the stretch last fall? The Fury fell flat last week in Mexico City defensively by allowing some of the most points to be scored on them throughout the entirety of the SFL. LV is going to need to make some changes FAST to avoid another slippery slope to last season's outcome. That being said, I believe in their coaching staff and I think we will see a slightly different level of play this week in Atlanta. The Swarm must keep their proverbial foot on the gas and not get too caught up in their strong victory in Jacksonville. They have a juicy match-up against this aforementioned defense in Las Vegas and they should try to capitalize on mismatches early. I'm taking the Fury here with the upset.
Tulsa Desperados 21
Arizona Scorpions 27

Monday, January 27 7:00pm EST [FTF]


Probably the toughest match-up to call this week as the Desperados travel to Arizona looking to go 2 for 2 on the season. I'm sure Khoury Jones and Co. are still riding high from their electric finish in Chicago last week. Deacon Nickens was doubted as Tulsa's replacement QB after Ashley Jackson flew the coop in the offseason, and proceeded to silence said doubters with a Hail Mary and walk off TD in Week 1. On the other hand (or stinger), AJ gets to host her replacement in Nickens as the Scorpions attempt to fare better in their home opener in Week 2. Again, giving the edge here to the home team as the world continues to pray for a more fruitful maiden voyage for Arizona.
Denver Nightwings 23
Seattle Tyrants 17

Monday, January 27 9:00pm EST [FTF]


This game is definitely a must see game, as we have the two teams that met up last season in the championship. Both these teams have a loss going into this match-up, but only one of them can walk away the victor. Will we see the Nightwings defeat the Tyrants or will the Tyrants assuage their championship woes and take down the Nightwings? We have two teams with top notch running backs in Zack Sandlin (Tyrants) and Jarrod McChesney (Nightwings). While Florida may have been able to pull one over on the Nightwings last week, we expect them to begin a return to form. The Tyrants, on the other hand, will improve on Week 1, but won't capture their first win just yet.
Baltimore Vultures 27
Mexico City Aztecs 31

Tuesday, January 28 7:00pm EST [FTF]


We have another great match up here with the Aztecs and Vultures. These two teams are both coming off a win and are looking to hand one or the other their first loss of the season. On the Aztecs side we have the Bronze Bomber Matt Willson and the Altered Beast Ray Bentley. On the Vultures side you you can expect the defense to step up and try to Takess them both down. I expect to see a lot of the new rookies to step up in this game and make a name for themselves. These two teams will definitely be on the hunt to make it to the playoffs to win that coveted title of champ. The Vultures have the tools on defense to shut down the Aztecs, but the Aztecs aren't gonna let that be an issue - and will shock the top-ranked team with their very first loss of the season.
Jacksonville Kings 17
Florida Storm 20

Tuesday, January 28 9:00pm EST [FTF]


These two teams have a history that stems far back to Season 11, where they have had epic clashes to be remembered - especially in back-to-back championship games. The Florida Storm are coming off a close win against the reigning champion, the Denver Nightwings, and are looking to keep rolling on with their wins. Jacksonville is coming off a loss of against the Atlanta Swarm and are looking for that first W. I see this game being a close game and a good one at that. You can always expect a good match up when these two teams clash. We know that both teams have great QB's and great receiving corps, but I think this game will come down to being defense and who causes the most turnovers. In this case, after each team's Week 1 performance, we're going with Mighty Max Paul's team, at home, with the W.




Carolina Skyhawks 28
New Orleans Pharaohs 30

Wednesday, January 29 7:00pm EST [Twitch]


Compelling duel next Wednesday as 1-0 Skyhawks take on the 0-1 Pharaohs in NOLA. Xander Gold mustered an O-K showing offensively last week, but the NO defense could not stop a nosebleed defensively against Vancouver. Here's to hoping they don't sleepwalk through their home opener, and thus, sleep ON the opposition in Carolina. I believe we are playing witness to a different Skyhawks outfit this season, and I am excited to see where this squad can go (playoffs?) this winter. Perhaps a lucky break saved their Week 1 match-up in St. Louis, so the Prasads need to buckle down and make some key plays in this upcoming contest. Ultimately, I see NOLA taking advantage of playing at home this week to sneak their first win of the season.
St. Louis Gladiators 26
London Knights 20

Wednesday, January 29 7:05pm EST [YouTube]


In this match-up, the Saint Louis Gladiators and the London Knights are meeting up in the famous clash of Fish and Chips versus Ribs. The Gladiators are from coming off a close loss from the Skyhawks with the 'Pichler-6' but are looking to make up ground against London who are also smarting from their own loss. These two teams have met many times before and they are meeting once again, but this time Head Coach Gearld Smith will be returning to face off against his old team. This should be a great match up if the Gladiators can get off to an early start and keep the turn overs to a minimum. The Knights are also looking to get the win but their defense really needs to get clicking if they wanna beat these St. Louis Gladiators, and we're not sure it will. Pip pip, cheerio, London. Maybe next time.
SEASON 14 ZERO GUARANTEES RECORD: 5-5
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