Good afternoon, one and all! Five in the morning is, generally, an acceptable time to wake up, but today I was a tad put-off, as my alarm had been the sound of a brick flying through my downstairs window at high speeds. Car tires quickly peeling out were heard soon after, and as I lumbered down to assess the damage, I noticed that there was a long ransom note attached to the now-flightless masonry implement. Who, or what, could have done this? Why did they choose my window? Don’t they know I have a mailbox, like a normal person? As I contemplated these questions, a second brick arrived, through another window I was not aware I had owned. Attached to this was a simple one-page note reading “Sorry ’bout the window, but could you publish my Season 13, Week 9 Predictions? Love, the Augur (definitely NOT Jeremy Vega!!!!!)” Seeing as this mystery person asked so nicely, here now in full is the glass-shattering manifesto known as “Season 13, Week 9 Predictions,” whatever that means.
THE AUGUR’S PREDICTIONS BY JEREMY VEGA:
These are my previews & predictions for the 10 games slated for Week 9. Can you believe there are only 5 weeks left in the regular season? It has certainly flown by. This week, look for the powerhouse teams of the Simulation Football League to continue their winnings ways, while we have some teams near the bottom shuffle around as we prepare for the final stretch of the season.
Alaska Storm (6-2) @ Queen City Corsairs (4-3)
These two teams met way back in Week 5, where the defending 3 time champs put a clinic on the only team to surpass their trophy count. Alaska won 41-17 at home, snapping their 2 game skid and kicking off their now 4 game win Streak. The Corsairs are 2-1 since then, with their loss being a wild overtime tilt against Vancouver. This time around, with Queen City being at home, it looks to be a more competitive game between two teams that are likely to be competing in the playoffs.
Winner – Alaska Storm 35-24
Baltimore Vultures (6-1) @ Oklahoma City Renegades (2-5)
The Vultures are coming off a win against the then unbeaten Tyrants, while the Renegades are looking to snap their 2 game slide. The last win for the Renegades came at home against the winless St. Louis Gladiators. Baltimore certainly looks like they’re on their way to the playoffs for a 3rd straight season while Oklahoma City looks likely to miss the post season once again. I think this is a strong indication of how the outcome of this game is going to go.
Winner – Baltimore Vultures 31-10
Denver Nightwings (6-1) @ Carolina Skyhawks (1-6)
The Nightwings are a few plays & a few seconds from being 7-0 for the second straight season. Riding a 5 game winning streak, they enter Carolina, who snapped their winless streak of 6 games against Houston two weeks ago. The story of this matchup is that the Skyhawks have scored a total of 114 points(20th) while the Nightwings have only given up 111(1st). These two teams sit on opposite sides of the standings, and that’s enough for me to give this one to the Nightwings.
Winner – Denver Nightwings 28-10
London Knights (4-4) @ Atlanta Swarm (3-4)
Both teams enter this Week 9 matchup coming off losses. London dropped one to the defending champs a week after a historic game from HB Reggie Streeter; Atlanta lost their 4th straight game to the Corsairs. This is one of the harder matchups to pick a winner in. It’s easy to assume Reggie will continue his powerful running, but the London defense continues to hold back this team. Being on the road against an Atlanta team that can put up points, it isn’t a good matchup for the Knights defensively – which I believe gives the Swarm the extra inch.
Winner – Atlanta Swarm 34-31
Vancouver Legion (3-5) @ Chicago Wildcats (5-2)
The Legion come into Chicago looking to bounce back from a monster thrashing by the Tallahassee Pride. Chicago is coming off a bye week but also coming off a loss the week before, at home, where they took it to the defending champions but fell just short. Both offenses have scored exactly the same amount of points (201) but there is a big gap in points allowed. Vancouver has given up 251 points (19th) while Chicago is giving up 158 points (4th). With Chicago having an extra week to prepare for the Legion, being at home, & with Vancouver 0-3 on the road, the Wildcats get the nod from me.
Winner – Chicago Wildcats 28-21
Seattle Tyrants (6-1) @ San Francisco Sharks (3-5)
Seattle is coming off their 1st loss of the season against the Baltimore Vultures. This was only the 2nd team, as well as the last team, that the Tyrants will play with a winning record this season. The Sharks crushed the Gladiators 0-43 two weeks ago, but then were crushed by the Mexico City Aztecs 10-56. San Francisco once again sit just above the bottom tier of teams and are looking at a .500 finish to the season. With the high powered Tyrants offense, and the Sharks having the worst defense in terms of points allowed, it looks to be a one-sided game in favor of the Tyrants. Seattle is looking to build another strong winning streak down the stretch, and it starts here.
Winner – Seattle Tyrants 38-21
Sioux Falls Sparrows (4-3) @ Las Vegas Fury (3-5)
Both of these teams have been up and down most of the season. The Sparrows have started picking up steam and are over the .500 mark for the 1st time this season. They have put together a 2 game win streak that includes beating the then unbeaten Vultures & then Renegades last week. The Fury are coming off a win against the Gladiators, who gave them a run for their money and almost pulled out their first win of the season. With Sioux Falls looking like they are making another late season run, while having their 4th best scoring offense going against the Fury’s 5th worst scoring defense, I gotta go with the Sparrows extending their win streak to 3 in a row.
Winner – Sioux Falls Sparrows 31-17
St.Louis Gladiators (0-7) @ Mexico City Aztecs (5-2)
The Aztecs are undefeated at home, and they have found their mid-season form. They lead the league in scoring, and against teams with losing records this season they have scored 162 points while only giving up 74 points. The St. Louis Gladiators have never looked worse as they sit winless with only 82 total points on the season. Their net points sits at -130 (21st). I don’t see this being a contest at all, but hopefully the Gladiators can build off their almost-win last week.
Winner – Mexico City Aztecs 48-7
Tallahassee Pride (6-2) @ New Orleans Pharaohs (2-5)
The Pride travel to NOLA looking to extend their win streak to 5 games. Coming off a huge win against the Legion at home, Tallahassee will look to dominate another team that sits well below .500 behind their 10th ranked offense and 2nd ranked Defense. The Pharaohs are in a do-or-die moment here in Week 9. 5 losses does not eliminate you from the playoffs, but it severely hurts your chance to control your own destiny. To beat the Pride, New Orleans needs to immediately fix their turnover differential, as they have a league worst -11. I can’t pick against the Pride here, but I can hope for a competitive game.
Winner – Tallahassee Pride 35-24
FAN NIGHT GAME OF THE WEEK!
Charleston Predators(2-5) @ Tulsa Desperados(3-4)
The Predators enter Tuesday Night’s prime time game on a 2 game skid, where they scored only 9 total points in losses to Denver and Houston. Thankfully for them, Tulsa’s defense isn’t of the same caliber, and they should be able to get the engine of that offense going again with HB Keith Swearingen. Tulsa, on the other hand, has had some disappointing lossees this season and some incredible wins as well, including last week’s big victory at home against the Hyenas 10-45. With Tulsa playing well at home and having their crowd get behind their 7th ranked defense in points allowed vs the Predators 18th ranked offense in points scored, I’m going with Tulsa to get back to .500.
Winner – Tulsa Desperados 28-17
Such did the letter end, with some scrawling at the bottom that I could barely make out: “from your friend, Jeremy Vega, who is The Augur.” Perhaps one day we will uncover who sent in these mysterious predictions; until then, feel free to compare and contrast the sooth sayings above with the actual results, this weekend on Eleven Sports and Twitch!