By Ray Bentley 

Call me Ray Bentley. Some years ago – never mind how long precisely – having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. Seventeen different countries sent aid in the rescue operation, and I am, to date, the only person that has been banned from sailing by the International Criminal Court at The Hague. This made my trek to interview the rookie Zack Sandlin a difficult one, as he lives in a location that could only be described musically as “Under the Sea.” But, gentle readers, soft, supple, mushy, squashy, squelchy readers, Ray Bentley, much like a genetically cloned theme park dinosaur, will find a way.

Bentley: What is your name, preferred on-field position, and how did you come to join the SFL?
Sandlin: My onfield name is Zack “The Sandman” Sandlin. My preferred positions are MLB and OLB, but I am more than willing to play any position on the field. I found the SFL when looking into other football games besides Madden. I had played ESPN 2k football in the past and subsequently stumbled upon APF 2K8. Upon looking up videos on YouTube regarding APF, I caught the tail end of the Dallas vs Tallhassee game in Week 12. After watching the conclusion to the game, I researched the SFL and what exactly it was. I was very excited about what I found and decided to get involved anyway I could.

RB: Surf or turf?
ZS: If we’re talking food ya definitely have to go Surf AND Turf. The complimentary flavors are amazing when you get a wood-fire grill flavor on a nice cut of sirloin or ribeye and some juicy shrimp. I can’t ride waves or a board, I’m more of a Mountain bike kinda guy.

RB: Rank the following in order of assumed smelliest to best smelling:


1. George Washington George Foreman – because the man would always smell like food
2. George Foreman George Clooney (but as Batman from Batman and Robin) – damp batcave, but probably had a nice cologne for the ladies
3. George of the Jungle George Michael (pre-death) – Wham!
4. George Clooney (but as Batman from Batman and Robin) George Washington – stuffy wool and hairpieces
5. George Michael (pre-death) George Carlin (post-death) – I imagine he would smell like that frog you dissect in science class
6. George Carlin (post-death) George of the Jungle – First movie George? can you imagine the B.O.?

RB: You have found the Sports Almanac from the Future – do you use it to enrich yourself, or to begin undoing championships?
ZS: Definitely messing with people and working on undoing championships. That way I can enrich myself with the 10-1 odds of such and such team winning lol. I’m always a fan of the under dog team getting the win. Doesn’t really matter who or what sport. Like, take the worst team in the NBA and have them win a ring. Or last year’s 16 seed finally beating a 1 seed. I can’t say I go after specific teams, just general mayhem and chaos

RB: Name five rivers in 15 seconds.
ZS: Mississippi, Ouachita, Red,Arkansas, Buffalo IN LESS THAN TEN SECONDS!

RB: Cleaning out your closet, you find you accidentally won a major award – what is it?
ZS: Hot dog eating contest…. I like food. I was Athlete of the Month in High School….so that might be there too (Football – Athlete of the Month for *Arkansas* 09-2012).

RB: Throwing up or throwing down?
ZS: I guess up. Gotta stay positive!

It was at this moment that both my air supply ran out, as well as my cassette tape of Air Supply ended, and I decided to call it a day. Zack continued to chase me as I tried to leave his undersea kingdom, shouting answers to questions I hadn’t asked, and, frankly, didn’t want to know in the first place. Escape, as well as his crown jewels and precious, delicious eggs, were mine, and I paid no attention to the strangely dressed man on the shoreline, awaiting me with a painted face and a baseball bat.