By Ray Bentley Rookies. What are they? Where do they come from? Why do hot dogs come in packs of 8 or 10, and buns in packs of 12? While out pondering these and other questions, like how spaghetti is grown, our intrepid Pump Fake writer found himself stranded in the middle of the highway. Fortunately, it was at that moment a Mack truck driven by newly minted Pro Bowl and Carolina Defensive Coordinator Johnny Savage pulled up, and offered a ride in exchange for an interview and, as luck would have it, my pockets are always filled with questions and sand. Ray Bentley: What is your name, preferred on-field position, and how did you come to join the SFL? Savage: On-field name is Jonny Savage; preferred positions are Quarterback, Safety and Cornerback; I found the SFL via my friend LB Allen III, and it sounded awesome! RB: Who was People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive for 2013? You have 10 seconds. JS: Matt Bomer? He is kinda hot. If I looked like him I would have more women than I do now. THE ANSWER IS ADAM “MAROON FIVE” LEVINE – EASILY THE SEXIEST MAN OF 2013 AND POSSIBLY OF ALL TIME! Anywho… RB: In five words, summarize your favorite movie: JS: Dump clutch, smash the gas! (The Fast and the Furious) RB: Rank the following songs about the United States Interstate Highway System from most effective to least effective at describing the US Interstate Highway System and its limitations in a modern society:
|1. Life is a Highway (Tom Cochrane)||(Highway to the) Danger Zone (Kenny Loggins)|
|2. (Highway to the) Danger Zone (Kenny Loggins)||Highway to Hell (AC/DC)|
|3. Highway to Hell (AC/DC)||Highway Song (Led Zeppelin)|
|4. Highway Star (Deep Purple)||Highway Star (Deep Purple)|
|5. Highway Song (Led Zeppelin)||Life is a Highway (Tom Cochrane)|
RB: If you could eat any one book and gain its powers, what book would it be? JS: I would eat “Throw Me the Damn Ball” by Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson RB: Describe your feet without using the word “toes” or “digits” JS: Jennifer Aniston! I got pretty feet! RB: Throwing up or throwing down? JS: Throw up first, get your nerves out the way, then throw down and get stuff done! ME: MY MAN! Mr. Savage was kind enough to end the interview with a re-enactment of the high five between Dillon and Dutch in the movie Predator, followed by violently kicking me out of the passenger door of his cab at the apex of the Delaware Bridge. As I plummeted into the river below, my only thoughts were on my next interviewee, Zack Sandlin. Sandlin, I had no doubt, had received my letter, scrawled in blood and dirt, reading simply: “you’re next…” Nobody uses upper case lettering when writing in blood.